


Battlefield Confessions

by LovelyLadyLuck



Series: The Kallig Clan [10]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Confessions of Feels, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Gen, Last words, Male-Female Friendship, Near Death Experiences, Non-Sexual Intimacy, or so they think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28816167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLadyLuck/pseuds/LovelyLadyLuck
Summary: Captain Quinn blurts out something...less than regulation when he thinks they're about to die on Taris.
Relationships: Hints of Malavai Quinn/Female Sith Warrior, Malavai Quinn & Female Sith Warrior
Series: The Kallig Clan [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846168
Kudos: 11





	1. Battlefield Confessions

Focus character: Finlee  
Point in timeline: Vanilla story, mid-act two, Taris  
Series: The Kallig Clan

So this was it. This was how she went out. Not as a result of wounds sustained in combat, or of an assassination attempt by another Sith, or peacefully in her sleep (however other Sith might rage and rail against the possibility of such a quiet and inauspicious death, Finlee secretly hoped for such when her time came). No, she was to die, here on this toxic wasteland of a planet, in the reactor core of an abandoned base because of the cowardice of the man she was chasing. He didn’t have the courage to face her himself, and since his pathetic impostor had confessed, now she was pacing back and forth in front of a massive fallout vault as Quinn desperately input the codes as quickly as he could to open the vault doors.

She looked at him, desperation coursing through her veins along with adrenaline. His fingers flew over the console, far faster than she could ever hope to accomplish that same task, and only for a moment, she felt some semblance of reassurance that this situation wouldn’t end with both of them perishing in a fiery blaze of explosion. It only lasted for a moment, as her senses tingled at the same moment he looked up and past her, his eyes widening ever so slightly.

“My lady, to complicate the matter, it seems we have been spotted.” He told her, ever the deferential professional even in a life-or-death situation. Never let it be said that Captain Quinn was anything other than perfectly composed. She turned and observed the three Republic soldiers in heavy armor stepping towards them, weapons pointing straight at her chest. “Keep working. I’ll handle this.” she murmured. His quiet assent was lost under the sounds of the ensuing blasterfire, as her twin blades quickly cut down the men attacking them. As she turned back to face Quinn, his face was as unreadable as ever, only showing quiet determination to an outsider. However, Finlee sensed the turmoil taking place inside of him, the fear that he wouldn’t be able to input the codes fast enough, that even if he did the doors wouldn’t open and close in time, the shame that he might have failed her and caused her death. She sensed all of it, and ached to reach out, to tell him that none of this was his fault, that it was the fault of the coward they were chasing, that their situation was impossible. Furthermore, she wanted to tell him that if she was to face her fate here in this toxic waste pit about to explode, she was glad it was with him, however cliche and trite that sounded.

She would never say such things aloud, of course. The very thought was highly inappropriate. Completely beyond the bounds of their relationship. She was his Sith mistress, he her trusted advisor and second in command. Off duty, they were even friends. But nothing more, never anything more. She couldn’t expose her feelings to him. But, perhaps social rules could be discarded in the face of their impending doom…

“THIS VAULT WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN TEN SECONDS”, a loud, computer-ish voice announced, snapping her out of her trail of thought.

One last look at Quinn confirmed her worst fears: he hadn’t had enough time. They were going to die. She smiled at him shakily, blinking back the terrified tears in her eyes. “Any last words, Quinn?” she asked, for once not caring that her voice was not the epitome of Sith authority and stoicism that it should be.

He lifted his hands from the console, and his eyes met hers one last time. “I think you’re amazing,” he blurted out.

“VAULT CODE SEQUENCE COMPLETE” another computer voice interrupted him.

They turned, wide-eyed, as the vault door computer released the airlock and unlocked the door, until mercifully, it declared, “VAULT OPEN.”

Finlee didn’t even think, she pushed Quinn into the vault before the door was fully open, flinging herself in after him as another Rodian - hopefully the actual general this time - screamed at a sickly pale human man to close the vault again before they were all killed. Finlee glared at him, her vision turning red around the edges with the strength of her rage. She couldn’t deal with him that very second, though; they had to not die first. She whirled around, everything around her slowing to an infinitesimal crawl. Summoning as much of the Force as she was capable, she grabbed the colossal doors and pulled them shut as hard as she could. She scrunched her eyes shut and furrowed her brow with the effort, gritting her teeth. Sweat broke out along her brow, and she could feel the beginnings of a massive headache behind her eyes. But finally, the doors closed, the merest fraction of a second before the shockwave of the explosion hit them. She barely managed to keep herself upright as she let go of the Force, but her legs remained mostly solid beneath her. She turned to face her adversaries once again.

The Rodian general yelled at her in his own language, one she didn’t understand. Judging from the tone, he was scolding her. The idea was laughable, but she was in no mood for joviality. The pale advisor quickly met his end by her blade, and she rounded on the Rodian, stalking towards the strange alien as he babbled in his strange wheezing tongue. She wanted to kill him, rip him limb from limb, paint the walls with his blood.

“My lady! MY LADY!” Quinn’s voice broke through the red curtain of her rage, and she snapped out of it, dropping the gasping Rodian to the ground.

“My lady, I can sedate and restrain him, if you wish. He’ll be a wealth of information about this Project Siantide they’ve all been going on about.” Quinn murmured into her ear, leaning into her space with his voice low so their captive couldn’t hear. She nodded her affirmation, and turned around to collect herself while Quinn restrained the general.

She took deep breaths to steady herself, bending over to brace herself on her thighs. She closed her eyes against the suddenly too-bright light, pressing one hand to her forehead in an attempt to alleviate the shooting pain in her head.

The quiet cursing and struggling coming from the general soon quieted, and she felt Quinn come up behind her. Concern radiated from him, as he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and quietly asked, “Are you injured, my lady?”

Finlee shook her head, but didn’t straighten. “Not physically, but using that much power that fast isn’t easy.”

Quinn nodded in understanding. “Headache again?” At her nod, he began prepping an injector of painkillers for her. He held it up in her line of sight, one eyebrow raised in silent question, and she nodded again in confirmation. She held out her arm for him to inject, and he rolled up her sleeve so he could press the needle into the muscle of her upper arm. It was a familiar routine to them, and Finlee took comfort in it.

Suddenly, the words he’d said just before the vault doors had opened came rushing back to him. Finlee’s eyes widened in silent shock. _Had he truly meant what he said? ___

__

_Had his words meant more? ___

___ _

___Her mind churned with questions. Questions she knew they didn’t have the time to answer at the moment, no matter how much she might like to put everything on hold. But she had to know…_ _ _

___ _

___“Quinn?” she whispered, laying a hand on his forearm. She looked up at him, still hunched over, and saw his expression was questioning, concerned. “About what you said earlier…”_ _ _

___ _

___His expression shuttered immediately, though he couldn’t hide his blush. “I-I shouldn’t have said it, my lady, and I deeply apologize. I didn’t mean to cause any offense, and I-”_ _ _

___ _

___She shook her head and cut him off, “I’m not offended, not at all. Truly.” she paused to gather her thoughts, and straightened with a grunt. She turned her head forward so she wasn’t facing him directly anymore, and looked down at the ground. “Just answer me one thing: did you mean what you said?”_ _ _

___ _

___She didn’t look at him, just kept staring at the ground. After an endless moment, she heard him faintly whisper, “I did.”_ _ _

___ _

___Finlee took a deep breath, and nodded. “I see. We-we should discuss this later, once we’re done here. We can’t let it get in the way of our mission.”_ _ _

___ _

___She felt faint relief coming from her Captain. “Of course, my lady.”_ _ _

___ _

___She gave him a long look. “Captain, let me reassure you again, I’m not at all offended by what you said, and I’m not going to let it affect the mission. But make no mistake, we do need to talk about this later.” she said firmly._ _ _

___ _

___Quinn nodded, and said nothing. After another minute, he attempted to contact the base and it was back to duty for them both._ _ _


	2. Say It; Tell Me It's True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Irtaya and Captain Quinn have a Mature Adult Discussion about their feelings. Sort of.
> 
> Awkwardness ahoy!

It was three weeks before they could finally make their escape from the wrecked swamphole. The first night afterwards, the whole of the crew was too exhausted to do much more than strip out of their field gear and collapse into bed. Finlee told them all to sleep as much as they wanted the next day, and they gratefully took her up on it. Even Quinn. Normally he’d be up at his usual early hour to prepare for his duty shift, but he knew that in this situation sleep was far more important.

The next day went fairly smoothly; despite the freedom to sleep late, the crew was still tired, too much so to argue about anything. Finlee knew that wouldn’t last. Vette still delighted in needling Quinn, despite her interference, and she had a feeling that Pierce would cause trouble in the future.

That night, she had a lump in her throat and a knot in her stomach as she waited for him on the bridge. This discussion was one they had to have, no matter how much she might like to deny it.

Even if only so that he could tell her it was nothing more than a misunderstanding caused by adrenaline and the stress of the moment.

Or that he did mean it, but not in the way she thought. The way she secretly hoped.

Could he?

The thought that he’d ever return her feelings - ever feel for her the way she felt about him - had crossed Finlee’s mind before, but only as an idle fantasy. She’d never seriously considered it. The thought was ludicrous. Quinn, of all people, would never go so far beyond the rules and regulations of the military as to consort with her, and she knew that. Understood it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of his footsteps, and she turned when he quietly cleared his throat. He stood awkward and stiff in the doorway, and she sighed a bit.

She took her accustomed spot in the copilot’s seat and gestured for him to take the pilot’s chair. His spot.

Finlee stayed silent, waiting for Quinn to start. He stared at his hands for a long while, before finally taking a deep breath.

“My lady...I wish to apologize for what I said before. In the bunker. It was incredibly inappropriate of me, and I never should have said it. I’m truly sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, and I’ll put in for a reassignment at the earliest opportunity.” he said, resigned.

Finlee jerked her head around to stare at him in disbelief, eyes wide. “Why in the galaxy would you do that?”

He didn’t look up at her. “I would think the reason obvious, my lady. I- I overstepped myself, and now-”

“Quinn, look at me, please.” Finlee pleaded. He slowly dragged his eyes up to meet hers, and her heart wrenched at the melancholy expression on his face. “Quinn, I’m not offended by what you said. And I wasn’t uncomfortable, either, not for a single moment.” she paused, swallowed, looked at her hands. “I’m not-I don’t want you to leave. I’m not going to reassign you, certainly not over this.”

His eyes widened, and he swallowed hard. “I, um-I don’t know what to say, my lady.”

She looked up at him again. “Did you mean what you said?”

He flushed deeply, and darted his gaze to the ground. He nodded. “I know it isn’t-I shouldn’t-” he cut himself off.

“Shouldn’t…?” she prompted when he didn’t continue.

“Shouldn’t feel the way I do. But I cannot help it.” he steeled himself, and looked her in the eyes. “It’s true. I think you’re amazing, and so much more. I-I care for you, my lady, deeply.”

Finlee stared at him in wide-eyed silent shock. Everything around her stopped, and she heard her racing heartbeat roaring in her ears. This couldn’t be happening.

Quinn stared at the floor again, looking for all the world as if he was awaiting his execution order.

“Quinn, I…” she trailed off. He didn’t look at her. She heaved a long sigh, not knowing where to go from here. She could feel the dread and nervousness building inside him, and she rushed over herself to reassure him before he shut himself off completely.

“I think you’re brilliant.” she blurted out. “And brave and-and-” she swallowed to clear her throat. “I care for you as well. Deeply, more so than anyone else before.”

Now it was Quinn’s turn to stare at her in shock, and hers to stare straight ahead at the wall. He was silent for a long moment.

“I-I had no idea, my lady.” he stammered.

Finlee nodded. “I know. It was purposeful. I’ve learned to hide my true feelings well over the years.”

Quinn coughed. “I’m...honored you think so highly of me, my lady.” he said awkwardly.

The corner of her mouth twitched. “I have for a long time. I never would have said anything, except…” she trailed off.

Quinn furrowed his brow. “Why not, my lady?”

She gave a brittle smile, still not facing him. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I had no idea whether or not you returned my feelings, and I didn’t want you to feel any sort of obligation towards me.” when he opened his mouth - to protest, she assumed - she held up one hand to stop him. “I didn’t want to pressure you into anything. I am intimately aware of how it feels to be the less powerful party in a relationship. My escape from that hell was luck, nothing more, and I would rather die than put another being in that position.”

At the reminder of what she’d been through with Lord Vladin, she felt a flash of anger come from Quinn, quickly smothered. It warmed her, this proof of his care.

“I also had no idea that you felt this way about me, at all.” she told him.

He blushed. “I sometimes feared the opposite, my lady. Especially with your talent for reading emotions.”

She shook her head. She opened her mouth, then closed it, trying to put together words to describe the rest of her motivation for secrecy. She could feel Quinn’s eyes on her, his rising gentle concern.

She took a deep breath. “You are the dearest friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t have words to describe how highly I value that friendship. I would not ever do anything to risk losing that, and the chance that I might if I told you how I felt and you didn’t feel the same...it just wasn’t worth it.” she confessed.

Quinn stared at her, thunderstruck. Finlee might have laughed at his expression, if her nerves weren’t flayed raw from their conversation.

“My lady...there is no one I hold in such high regard as you.” he whispered hoarsely.

Finlee’s stomach fluttered, and she felt a blush rising on her cheeks. That was something else she’d had to get used to; blushing.

“You honor me, Quinn.”

They sat in silence for a long time. Nearly a quarter of an hour passed before he shifted in his seat and haltingly asked her, “Where...do we go from here, my lady?”

Finlee leaned her forehead against her clasped hands, leaning forward in her chair. She sighed. “I meant what I said. I care about you, Quinn, truly. But you are still under no obligation toward me, for anything more than what we are now, if you don’t want it. I will not pressure you, or force you into anything. The choice is entirely yours, and there won’t be any repercussions of any sort if you decide you don’t wish to pursue a more intimate relationship. I won’t be offended, I understand entirely.” she stressed.

Quinn rubbed his face with his palms. “I just-I don’t know. I didn’t even think this was a possibility at all, and now…” he made a bewildered gesture.

Finlee nodded in comprehension. “Take all the time you need. I won’t rush you. But, Quinn-” he looked at her, and she kept her eyes locked on his as she stated firmly, “I only want this if you do as well.”

He didn’t speak. Just nodded. All was silent for another long while. Finlee felt a sudden wave of tiredness come over her, and she rose with a sigh.

“I’ll let you have some privacy to think. Good night, Quinn.”

He nodded, not looking at her.


End file.
